Husband and wife are standing in their kitchen. They looked stressed and have intense expressions. They are talking in low voices as if there is some kind of a secret:
W: We should go to the bank and ask them for help. I think this is the best we can do.
H: They won’t give us a good interest for this and we won’t be able to pay back the loan.
W: Are you sure we can’t pay directly to them in several installments?
H: There was nothing mentioned.
W: Oh, it is such a great chance. It will be everything that we wanted!!! We have to think of a solution!
H: I know, I know! …. (a pause, both staring in different directions, thinking…)
W: Maybe a friend could help us! You have many wealthy colleagues. They have kids- they will understand!
H: Or…maybe they will be jealous that they didn’t have this amazing opportunity years ago…
W: Maybe there is some kind of a fund that finances this initiative??
H: If there was such a fund, everybody will do it, you know…
W: Yes…, you’re damn right.
H: we have everything – the perfect jobs, the perfect house, the perfect friends….we are living the dream…
W: Yes, I know what you mean…. We don’t have the perfect kids and we will never know whether they will be what we expect them to be………….That is why!!! We have to think of a way to finance this!
H: God, it’s not so easy to find 500000 for a conception in the space!!!
W: They are saying that our baby will be GENIUS if he or she it’s conceived in the space!
H: Yes, our baby will be a genius…what else could we want…
And they are staying hugged arm in arm, dreaming about their perfect baby!
i cannot understand what the conflict is. do you mean that they want to have a kid, but they regard it only as an investment?
ReplyDeleteMy story is about the society with wrong values and the ethical dimensions of the technology.
ReplyDeleteIt is about the changing human nature, about a society of living “robots” – selfish creatures who are not familiar with the real human emotions, society full of greed, money and technological success! The couple is married and everything looks fine or even perfect, however this is only on the surface. They want the perfect genius child, as if they want the perfect new plasma TV which matches their living room. The child should be created by the magic of the love between these two people, not created by the gravity of the space! Moreover, no matter how smart is your child you have to love it!
PS. This with the conception in space actually happened 3 times already!
and Yes, Assia, it is one way to look at it. They are considering their baby as an investment
I would probably try to show the conflict...make it more clear to the reader [define the period in time etc]..Also, it was hard for me to understand the relation between how genius their baby will be and 'gravity of the space'? What do they mean when they say 'we can’t pay directly to them in several installments?' I don't understand the connection with the whole morale of the story.....
ReplyDeleteInstead of letting readers understand that there is something wrong with that society, maybe you can make the husband and wife oppose each other on the issue of genetically engineering their kid. This way, you have a conflict – at the moment, their dialogue shows some anguish, but everything is descriptive. You don’t have two people opposing each other, they are just deploring their common situation.
ReplyDeleteOne of them could tell us why it’s cool to have a built kid, the other can tell us how flaws are part of human nature and that’s what makes life interesting…. Or something of the sort….