A girl is wandering and looking at some CDs in a music store. At the same time in the distance a boy is standing on one place, pretending to be doing the same thing but actually staring directly at the girl all the time.
In the beginning the girl is not noticing the boy staring at her, but at some point she begins to realize that she is being observed. She turns her head towards the boy from time to time and realizes that he is looking at her all the time in a creepy way.
As time goes by, the girl is getting more and more nervous and uncomfortable and at some point she decides to leave the store and go away.
As she passes by the boy, he suddenly grabs her arm and pulls her to him. Stressed and frightened, the girl tries to run and they begin a fight. As they are struggling fiercely the boy pushes her on the ground and with one of his hands tries to reach for something in his back pocket. He finally manages to reach his pocket and pulls a flower out of it.
Suddenly they both stop moving and stare at each other for a moment. Then the girl gets up and runs out of the store. The boy sits on the ground with the flower in his hand, thinking and looking disappointingly.
After a while then, the girl comes back and unconfidently bends to the boy, takes the flower out of his hand, writes him a note with her phone number, kisses him on the cheek and runs away.
Till the moment with the flower in the pocket the story is OK. And logically the problem starts here. After the exposition. I would expect minimum three returns of the girl. And all of them unexpected… Sort of – she is coming and kicking him, then coming and jumping on him kissing more like animal killing smaller one, and finally coming with Kalashnikov and mashing him. And putting the flower on his dead body.
ReplyDeletethere must be a reason for the guy to behave the way he does, so that the girl comes back to him instead of thinking that he is a psycho. as we discussed, he could be numb, and you can show it earlier in the play describing how he saw that girl earlier and then went to buy a flower for her, explaining to the sales associate with the signs what exactly he wants to buy etc.
ReplyDeleteHonestly, I am for Nedyalko's suggestion about Kalashnikov. The final would be quite unexpected and shocking [not cheesy]; and seriously, you have to add some "spice" to the story. I imagine the girl as Alice from Resident Evil...or the Bride portrayed by Uma Thurman in Kill Bill.
ReplyDeleteAs we already discussed, you either need dialogue or a good reason for not having any in the play. Even if the guy is mute, I can imagine the girl frantically asking him what’s wrong with him or why he’s tackling her. Also, her motives in the play aren’t clear. It’s hard to understand why she’s coming back, especially because initially she runs away. And why does “he suddenly grab her arm and pulls her to him”? Logically, you take out the flower first and offer it in the hope you will be allowed to get physical with your target, right?
ReplyDelete